What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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