WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
