dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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