My Higher Power is John Stamos
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
