just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
