People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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