how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
