Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
being pregnant is like rehab
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize