I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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