There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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