I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
