U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
