im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
