Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
