ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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