i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
