I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
