i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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