I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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