If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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