I never want to see another naked old woman again.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
