Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
