when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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