I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
