When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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