I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
