Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
