Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize