..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
