nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
