Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
