i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
