she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
