Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
