You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
