I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Panties = found
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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