Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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