When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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