i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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