ya dads aren't the best wingmen
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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