The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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