If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
