My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
