I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Someone came in the potted fern
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
