Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
