Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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