After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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