So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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