I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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