he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
