If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
