I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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