there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
