i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The power of my boobs compel you
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
