$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
