Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Couch. On fire.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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