i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
