Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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