Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
