I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize