Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he quoted the bible to break up with me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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