It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
