He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
