Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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