have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
