my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
