You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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