every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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