sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
my poor anus
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
