Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
