Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
