I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
