Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
