if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
